My Plea to You

I saw this quote from Howard W. Hunter on Facebook this morning. The quote is from 1966 so I am not going to apply it fully to this day and age, but it hurts me to know that so many people have a "those people" mentality about people who can't afford to feed their families or pay for healthcare. It also hurts to think that people just assume that we are walking around proudly flaunting our assistance or that we don't appreciate the gift that it is.

As a daughter of two very self-reliant parents, asking for help was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. I'm always embarrassed when I use my WIC checks, especially when it takes a long time and people are waiting behind me. My face goes red when I glance back and see the people behind me tap their foot or roll their eyes in impatience. I feel guilty when I spend our food stamps on anything even remotely frivolous. I feel guilty when I buy frozen rolls or pie crusts because it would be cheaper to make them myself. I feel guilty when I buy anything that is not the very lowest quality and price. I don't go to the doctor unless I think something is majorly wrong because I don't want to use any more tax payer money than I absolutely have to.

I wish I could remove the idea that welfare recipients are all deadbeats that are just looking for a hand out. I wish I could show people what I see when I go to WIC appointments and the DSS. I see people who are beat down by life and just need some help. I see young children who don't have enough to eat. I see women working two jobs to just try and get by. I see women like me, who are staying home with their children while the men in their lives try to better their situation.

My plea to anyone who reads this is simple. Pray to see everyone as God sees them. Please don't assume that everyone who is receiving help from the government is just looking for a handout. Please remember those of us who are responsible and are just trying to get by on very little. Please remember that we are all children of God and that he loves each and every person on this earth. He loves us no matter where we live, how we pay for our food, and whether or not we appreciate the assistance we receive. Judgment hurts, love heals.

When Things Change

Every year I feel the urge to write about this day. How my world completely shifted that day. How I knew the world would never feel truly safe again. How strange everything seemed. This year is no exception. 

This year, as I look at my sweet two year old son and feel my unborn son kick me again, I can't help but wonder if they will have such an experience. My parents have had several. They were in Berlin when The Wall fell. Something that never seemed possible, but it happened. That was a happy and amazing thing. September 11th wasn't. 

I remember exactly where I was. I remember exactly what I was doing. I remember my brother turning on the tv, which was strange since I was in the middle of my schoolwork, and then he called for my mom. I looked over at the tv and saw the North tower of the World Trade Center billowing smoke. I thought to myself how strange it was that a plane could lose control and fly into a building. Then we watched the second plane hit. My mom stood there, very calmly, and said "this is a terrorist attack." I panicked. I cried and was terrified. A little while later, the phone rang. My mom answered it and said "He (my dad) is in Arizona on tdy, why?" The call was from my Aunt Sherry in Utah. Then the news changed again. A plane hit the Pentagon. My mom covered her mouth and began to cry. She said goodbye to Sherry and called her parents, my dad's siblings, and his mom to let them know my dad wasn't at the Pentagon that day. My grandma Stacey was not an emotional woman. She cried when she knew her youngest son was safe. I went outside to try and calm down. I could see smoke far off in the distance. 

We watched the news all that day. We watched it all the next day. My dad couldn't get home because so many airports were closed. We were ready to drive out the Arizona to pick him up because we just wanted him home. He finally got a flight and when he got home we hugged and cried and thanked Heavenly Father that he was safe. We prayed for the families who were suddenly without their loved ones. We prayed for rescue workers who were still trying to save anyone they could. We prayed for the president and his advisers. We prayed to not be afraid. 

My sons will never know what it is like to not need a ticket to go past security in the airport. They will grow up in a world where people will always use 9/11 as a day the world changed because it is. I know mine did. Today I will pray for those who lost loved ones, I will pray for our world leaders, and I will pray that one day we can live in a world of peace and security.

Just a Pin

Found these here and didn't want to have to look through my page for them later. Pinterest is superior!

Love these tips!!

COFFEE FILTERS

Coffee filters .... Who knew! And you can buy 1,000 at the Dollar Tree for almost nothing even the large ones.

1. Cover bowls or dishes when cooking in the microwave. Coffee filters make excellent covers.

2. Clean windows, mirrors, and chrome... Coffee filters are lint-free so they'll leave windows sparkling.

3. Protect China by separating your good dishes with a coffee filter between each dish.

4. Filter broken cork from wine. If you break the cork when opening a wine bottle, filter the wine through a coffee filter.

5. Protect a cast-iron skillet. Place a coffee filter in the skillet to absorb moisture and prevent rust.

6. Apply shoe polish. Ball up a lint-free coffee filter.

7. Recycle frying oil. After frying, strain oil through a sieve lined with a coffee filter.

8. Weigh chopped foods. Place chopped ingredients in a coffee filter on a kitchen scale.

9. Hold tacos. Coffee filters make convenient wrappers for messy foods.

10. Stop the soil from leaking out of a plant pot. Line a plant pot with a coffee filter to prevent the soil from going through the drainage holes.

11.. Prevent a Popsicle from dripping. Poke one or two holes as needed in a coffee filter.

12. Do you think we used expensive strips to wax eyebrows? Use strips of coffee filters..

13. Put a few in a plate and put your fried bacon, French fries, chicken fingers, etc on them. It soaks out all the grease.

14. Keep in the bathroom. They make great "razor nick fixers."

15. As a sewing backing. Use a filter as an easy-to-tear backing for embroidering or appliqueing soft fabrics.

16. Put baking soda into a coffee filter and insert into shoes or a closet to absorb or prevent odors.

17. Use them to strain soup stock and to tie fresh herbs in to put in soups and stews.

18. Use a coffee filter to prevent spilling when you add fluids to your car.

19. Use them as a spoon rest while cooking and clean up small counter spills.

20. Can use to hold dry ingredients when baking or when cutting a piece of fruit or veggies.. Saves on having extra bowls to wash.

21. Use them to wrap Christmas ornaments for storage.

22. Use them to remove fingernail polish when out of cotton balls.

23. Use them to sprout seeds.. Simply dampen the coffee filter, place seeds inside, fold it and place it into a plastic baggie until they sprout.

24. Use coffee filters as blotting paper for pressed flowers. Place the flowers between two coffee filters and put the coffee filters in phone book..

25. Use as a disposable "snack bowl" for popcorn, chips, etc.

The Weight and the Wait

You know that feeling you get when something you've given up hope on actually happens? It kind of feels like a weight you didn't know was on your shoulders is finally lifted. You laugh, you cry, you want to shout hallelujah, you drop to your knees to thank God for the blessing. I had that experience today. I had just finished booking a hotel room for our upcoming rental hunting trip to Syracuse. I popped on over to Casey's email to check for the booking confirmation and saw this:

"Dear Casey,

I am pleased to inform you that a TA-ship has become available; and the Linguistics Committee has decided to offer you a Spanish Teaching Assistantship to support study in the Linguistic Studies MA Program."

I immediately burst into tears and called Casey over to see. I had given up hope that he would be offered the TA-ship and was ready to have 30k or more per year in student loans for his 2 year program. Now his tuition is covered and he gets a stipend that will help us pay for a place to live. 

This experience has humbled me greatly. I was very angry with Heavenly Father for telling us this is the right thing and then not opening doors to do it. I made sure he knew I was angry. He has, once again, reminded me that I am not in charge and that he will provide what we need, even if it comes after a long wait. Now that this weight is off my shoulders, I can enjoy the massive reduction in my stress levels. I am going to be expressing my gratitude for this immense blessing for a long time to come.

Handling Stress

That moment when you are so stressed and anxious about money, moving, and life in general that you want to eat an entire pan of brownies, but also throw up, sleep all day, but also stay awake for three days to find any possible way to save a few pennies, not spend any money on anything ever, but also buy everything on your Amazon wishlists... I'm in that moment.

We have the money to get up to Syracuse to look at places to live, but we have no money to put into a rental. I'm trying really hard to just let go of control and let Heavenly Father take care of it, but I don't know how I can trust that we will magically find a place in our price range, that doesn't require a deposit and first month rent, and is in a safe area. I'm struggling to find the positives in my life when it feels like everything is just blowing up around me. I can't sleep because my anxiety is past manageable, but I can't take anything for it because I am pregnant and when I can sleep, I have nightmares that leave me more tired than I was when I fell asleep.

Ok, enough focusing on the negatives. We will be able to do this. We will find a place to live. We will be able to afford it.

Feeling Ignored

I've been struggling to feel like Heavenly Father cares about me. It seems like everything I pray for or about is just pushed aside and I am left thinking "why am I not being heard?" 

I prayed that Casey would get into more schools than Syracuse, nothing. 

I prayed that he would get the TAship, nada. 

I prayed that this baby would be a girl, no luck. 

I prayed that we would be able to rent the house we really wanted, more nothing. 

I pray to be able to sleep well, I get 5-6 hours a night.

There are some things that are being heard. Casey always comes home safe from work. The Bean is healthy and so is the baby. Somehow I am able to function well enough to keep my family alive. Those should be enough to make me feel like I am being heard, but I feel like those things would probably be that way anyway. I'm just tired of knowing that Syracuse is where we need to go and yet having no foreseeable way to live there. I'm tired of praying for things and having the exact opposite happen. I'm tired of feeling ignored by the one being that is always supposed to be there for me.

Fear not! I am not going to leave my faith behind. I'm just going to take a Pioneer approach. I will put my head down and just keep pushing the cart. I just hope that one day I won't have to feel this way.

Please, don't offer advice, scripture verses, or "comforting words." I've heard most and they are not helpful right now. 

How I Bust Out Food Prep

The last few weeks I have finally jumped on the weekly food prep bandwagon. I love it! I have (mostly) healthy snacks for a whole week and it makes my life far less stressful. So, here is how I do it without being totally overwhelmed and exhausted at the end of the day.

Step One:
I peruse my pinterest boards on Sunday while I am menu planning (that is a story for another post). I have mine pretty well organized these days. I usually end up picking about 10 recipes at first. Muffins, quick breads, cookies, and crackers are my snack staples.

Step Two:
I narrow down the recipes to 4 or 5. I do this in conjunction with what produce/ingredients are on sale. We like muffins and quick breads with lots of fruit. I check what I have on hand and what I still need and then make my shopping list. I also look for deals on produce that makes a good snack as is. Carrots, cucumbers, watermelon, strawberries, etc. I also buy extra eggs to boil for a quick snack or as part of a meal.

Step Three:
Shopping day! My budget is pretty low ($30-35) so I try to use recipes that have similar ingredients. Most weeks I do prep the same day as shopping, but I will make it a separate step anyway.

Step Four:
Baking. I use recipes straight from my laptop to save on paper... and because our printer is dead. I arrange baked goods in order of baking temp, lowest to highest. It means I don't have to wait for the oven to cool down in between recipes. As soon as one recipe is in the oven, I start working on the next. I end up with plenty of time to sit and relax between recipes most of the time. Taking breaks is VERY important. You don't want to get burnt out early in the process.

Step Five:
Other prep. I wash all the produce and get it ready to cut. Then I chop everything up, put it in bags or containers, and put it in the fridge. I finally found a way to hard boil eggs that works for me. First, I bring them to room temperature because it makes them easier to peel. That is why hard boiled eggs are the last thing I do. I put them in a sauce pot, cover them (and add a little extra) with water, stick them on the stove, turn it to high, and wait for them to come to a rolling boil. Once they are boiling, I turn off the heat, cover the pot, and set the timer for 10 minutes. Once the timer goes off, I run the eggs under cold water until they are cool to the touch. Then they get dried off and put in the fridge.

So, there it is. My weekly food prep in a nutshell. If I have more than 12 muffins or one loaf of quick bread I bag it up and throw it in the freezer for the next week. One moderately tiring day and a week full of mostly healthy snacks for the three of us.

My Photo Book

Click here to view this photo book larger

100th Post

In honor of my 100th post, I'm going to tell you all about my day of snack prep!

I came in almost 10 bucks under my food budget for this week! How did I do it? Kroger had AMAZING sales on produce. I came home with a big bunch of overripe bananas, 3 zucchini, 3 yellow squash, 1 pound of carrots, a few apples, a huge bunch of cilantro, and a pound of strawberries along with my non-produce groceries: a pound of brown rice, chicken and beef bullion, 3 packs of hot dogs, 18 eggs, and a gallon of milk.

I have been trying to avoid buying snack food as much as possible a) because it is expensive and b) most of it is super unhealthy. I've also been trying to make healthier food for Casey to lose weight, the Bean to grow up with good food, and for me to not gain a ton of weight this pregnancy. I always menu plan on Sundays and I focused on meatless meals this week. Pottage (brown rice, lentils, and veg) and black bean soup are the two that will provide plenty of leftovers. So, as far as snacks go, I wanted snacks with lots of fruit and veggies involved. I have a lot of sweet things on my pinterest and I scoured my board for healthy ones. I decided on peanut butter breakfast cookies, peanut butter bread, strawberry banana greek yogurt bread, spiced carrot muffins, and mini vanilla wafers. I figured if I just did it all in one day, I would have snacks for the week and not have to worry about feeding me or the Bean while Casey is at work. I probably won't make the pb bread again. It is pretty crumbly and a little dry, but everything else is delicious! The only really unhealthy thing is the vanilla wafers, but I can't be healthy all the time.

So, there it is. I made a lot of food today. My feet hurt, I am exhausted, and I never want to mash another banana in my life, but I'm glad I did it. Having one less thing to think about makes room for things like cleaning up the huge mess that is my kitchen. Maybe I do have that 2nd trimester energy everyone always talks about. *Phew* What a day!

Yet Again

Yet again, I couldn't keep my mouth shut. Well, more like I couldn't keep my personal feelings to myself. At least this time, the person offended addressed it in private. I just need to post nothing but fluff on Facebook because no one wants to read my opinions and I just end up feeling like a tool every time I express them about something I am passionate or feel very strongly about. No one wants to read about how hard my situation is. People just want happy snapshots of the perfect and easy life of a housewife and mom, cute stories about the Bean, and pictures shares that are 100% uncontroversial. I never learn. I have been getting longer stretches between these episodes of my own douchbaggery, but they still happen. Sometimes I hate the internet.

As my uncle says, "It isn't Facebook, it is Affirmation-book." I just need to make sure that everything I post is affirmation worthy and has no real substance. People don't want substance and if they do, they only want it to be on their side of things. I need to be more like my mom and just lurk, not participate.

Nailed It!

I have been working on a nail and string art project for almost a year. I finally finished it!!! Here it is in all the nail and string glory! It is a PAIN to do these. I'm probably going to add something at the bottom later, but I'm just glad I can cross a project off my lengthy list.

p.s. I used THIS tutorial

Refried Beans

Ok, so, I follow a blog called Budget Bytes. They break down recipes by cost total and cost per serving. I'm taking a leaf out of their book for these refried beans that I made.

Sorry, I didn't take a picture.

1 lb dry pinto beans (sorted, and washed) : $1.18 at Walmart
1/2 of a large onion, chopped: ~$0.30
2 Tbsp olive oil: ~$0.45
Salt to taste
Seasonings to taste

Place the sorted and washed beans in a large, deep pot. Cover with water and add another 3 inches. Bring the water and beans to a boil, then reduce to a simmer. Simmer for 1.5-3 hours, the beans are done when they are soft and the skins start to split. It only took 1.5 hours for mine, but my gas stove keeps a pretty high simmer.

Once the beans are cooked, drain them and set aside. Put the oil and onions in a large pan, saute them until they are translucent, or for more flavor, brown them a little. Add the beans and about 1/2 cup water to the pan and smash them with a potato masher or anything else that you have on hand. Once they are well smashed, add salt and seasonings. Always taste, taste, taste! When they taste delicious and are nice and smashed, they are done. I added a little fresh cilantro for an extra kick.

This recipe makes at least 2-3 cans worth of delicious, non-additive filled refried beans. I will never buy canned refried beans again!

So, There It Is

So, now that I am out of my first trimester, I'm comfortable announcing that I am pregnant again. As you can see from the picture, the official due date is November 1st, but of course that is never any sort of guarantee. 

Here is the back story, be advised there is some pretty detailed info (not about sex, no worries) in here that might make some sensitive people blush. 

When I had the Bean, we decided that an IUD was the way to go for birth control. I didn't want to get Mirena because just being on the pill made me a raging *ahem* female dog, so I went with paraguard. Everything was fine until the end of February, no missed periods, no major issues, and the IUD was still in place. Then... I missed my period. Unbeknownst to Casey, I went to Walmart and bought some pregnancy tests. I got home, he went to work, and I proceeded to take one of the tests. It took about 30 seconds for the little screen to say "pregnant." I immediately panicked. I went and drank a huge glass of water, called my mom (still panicking), and she told me to call the doctor. We don't have insurance, so I was really upset about having to go in for an emergency OB appointment. 

Once I had an appointment, I called Casey and tearfully told him that he needed to get the night off from the hotel because I was pregnant and had to go to have the IUD removed. Not the best way to tell your hubby that you are carrying his second child. He called his mom to have her come down and watch the Bean during the appointment. We drove up to Fishersville and told Casey's mom what was going on (he didn't tell her when he called.) They had me pee in a cup to confirm the pregnancy, set us up in a procedure room, and then we waited, and waited... and waited.

Finally, the doctor came in, told me I was indeed pregnant, and asked if we were going to continue the pregnancy. Of course my answer was yes. So then she tried to remove the IUD. It was stuck, the strings broke, and the IUD didn't budge. She said we would have to come back in a few days to try again. Casey's mom offered to take the Bean until my next appointment and I gladly accepted. 

I went back to the doctor with Mariel two days later and they were able to get the IUD out. I had some bleeding and some mild cramps, which of course were very disconcerting, but everything is fine now and I should have a normal pregnancy from here on out.

Always Look on the Bright Side of Life

Casey was accepted to a linguistics masters program! We have given it a lot of thought and we both feel that it is the right thing. He is also #2 in line for the TA job. Hopefully, the girl who is #1 will find something better and we can have a little relief from student loans. Oh, and we would actually be able to afford to live somewhere nice and not sketchy.

The apartment hunting is a nightmare! Trying to look at the positive side of that has been pretty rough for me. It is easy to get completely overwhelmed. Thankfully, there is a professor at SVU that went to the same university for grad school. We have some good advice from them and that helps. Sometime soonish we are going to take the 8 hour drive to look for apartments in person, visit the local ward, and scout out the university. The bright side of that is that we can have Bean stay with my Casey's parents. It is such a blessing to have them close.

The one thing that seems to be the most frustrating part of Casey working 3 jobs right now is that we now no longer qualify for EBT. I never thought I would look at that as a blessing, since it is very hard to provide healthy food for a family of 3 on $30 a week, but this morning I decided to look at it a different way. My husband is able to provide enough money so that we can buy our own food. Was it easier to be on EBT? Of course it was. Is it frustrating to go to the store and have to buy the cheapest, lowest quality of everything? Absolutely, but you know what? My husband works hard so that we can have food, shelter, power, internet, phone, gas, and so that we can pay our loans. He works doubles almost every weekend, so that I can stay at home with our son. I am blessed to have $30 a week for food.

How do I do it? I buy a lot of ramen. I always buy meat on sale or in bulk. I hardly ever buy cheese. I don't buy convenience foods. I buy less expensive fruits and veggies (not a lot of berries in our apartment.) I have learned to make a lot from very little.  We are certainly not eating poorly in this apartment. I scour pinterest for healthy, inexpensive, filling meals. I make a lot of soups and chili. I will pass on the things I have learned to my children so that they will be able to make a lot from just a little.

So, there it is. That is how I am looking on the bright side of life today.

Gravity

There was a dance performed on So You Think You Can Dance that describes how I feel about my anxiety.

I live with something that is always there. Sometimes I think I have shaken it, but then it reminds me of its presence. Sometimes is does control me. Sometimes I just want to curl up in a ball and cry, because I can't conquer this thing. 

Then I realize that it may always be there and I may very well have to deal with it until the day I die, but I am still blessed beyond measure.

I have a wonderful husband who doesn't really understand how I feel, but he listens and lets me cry when I need to.  

I have a sweet little boy who may not always want to give me hugs, but he does when I really need them.

I have an amazing family that loves me no matter what.

And most importantly, I have a Father in Heaven that is there to listen to me when I feel alone and beat down. The wonderful thing about Him is that I never have to worry whether He has time to listen to my pleas. I know He loves me and that I will be blessed for striving to live through this trial as best I can. And when I remember that, life doesn't seem quite so hard.

11 Days

I'm just feeling beat down by the world. 

I'm just glad I get to go to the temple in 11 days and let the world disappear for a few hours... 2 months is a long time between visits.

On Gun Control

I'm just going to put it out there...

I don't like guns.

I don't want one, I don't want my husband to have one, and I certainly don't want my son to have one.

I am not against other people having guns. I have several friends that are gun enthusiasts. I support their right to own certain types of guns (handguns, rifles, shotguns), but not assault rifles, machine guns, or any other gun that is specifically designed to kill large groups of anything. Assault weapons have no place in homes, places of business, or schools. I feel that the only people who should have access and be trained to use them should be law enforcement, such as police, swat teams, etc, and the military and even then, only in combat zones and extreme situations.

As far as hunting type guns (shotguns, rifles, etc), I think that you should be required to show not only your id, but also a valid hunting licence to purchase them or their ammo. If it were up to me, hunting licences would be a greater expense to encourage people to actually hunt with the purpose of feeding their family, not just killing animals to show off.

There have been lots of possible solutions to the idea of school shootings lately and I have been one to indulge in a little problem solving of my own. I do not want guns in classrooms, but I would like a, well trained, armed resource officer in schools. I know this wouldn't solve every problem, but it might help save some lives. I also think that teaching children gun safety is important. I'm not sure at what age or in what setting this would be best, but at home would be my first choice. I want to teach my children that there is never a time when killing a person who is not threatening to kill you or your family is ok. I fully support incapacitating a person who is threatening anyone, but taking a life will always cause pain and suffering, even when justified. Maybe not to the person who took the life, but there will be someone left behind, or on the other side, that feels that hurt.

I support the 2nd amendment, but I also believe that there are people who should not have access to guns. In a perfect world, everyone would use firearms responsibly and with care, but we don't live in a perfect world. We live in a world of criminals and people who want to cause pain. I look forward to a time when everyone will be able to look past petty things and see each other how God sees us, but today is not that day and I know that it will be a long while before it is.

I know full well that my thoughts and solutions would not fix the broken world in which we live. I know that this blog post will not change any minds in Washington or even around me, but I just felt the need to write down how I feel about the subject.

And to anyone who wants to argue about this, I say:

This New Year

Christmas at my parent's was wonderful. I could write all about it, but I have pictures up elsewhere.

On to the year 2013!

Our goals this year are simple and the list is small.

Me:

• Do more creative things and spend less time on the computer
• Actually fast every first Sunday of the month (I always have an excuse and it is time to stop making excuses)

Casey:

• Lose 50 lbs
• Get into grad school or find a job to get us out of here

Bean:

• Be cute
• Be awesome

That is it for us. We are not putting down outrageous goals that are unreasonable to achieve. Just a couple things for each of us. The Bean has already accomplished his and will continue to accomplish them all year. Happy (slightly late) New Year!