To the older man on the jogging path...

I was coming up on the two mile mark for my jog when you spoke to me. It came as a bit of a shock. I don't really talk to people when I jog, but I didn't have my headphones with me today, so that may be why you spoke to me. You and your friend looked my way and you spoke, 

"You don't need to run, you already look great." 

I felt the sudden urge to give you a one finger salute or tell you to piss off, but I didn't. I stopped my jog, turned around, approached you and your friend and said calmly,

"I know you meant that as a compliment, but it actually made me feel very uncomfortable."

You hastily apologized and looked quite sheepish about it. I told you that I appreciated the apology and that you may want to avoid saying things of that nature to other women because you never know how it might make them feel. I wished you a pleasant day and we went our separate ways, but there are more things I wanted to say. 

As I walked back to the car my mind was a flurry of thoughts about how I want to teach my boys to respect women and not see them as objects. I thought about how my body is my own business. I thought about the fact that you may just be a product of a very different generation. I thought about how I would feel if I was struggling with serious body image issues and heard such a comment. Most of all I thought about my reaction. I was not flattered by your comment. I felt annoyed and frustrated. I wanted to tell you to mind your own business. That my body is not open for discussion. That I don't jog to be thin, I jog to be healthy. I jog because it helps my anxiety. I jog because it releases all the frustrations that I feel on a day to day basis. I jog for me, not for anyone else. I am a person just like you. I am not an object. I am not just my weight. I am not just my size. I am a human being who deserves to be respected like every other human being, male or female.

I know that your comment was not meant to hurt or offend. I know you were giving what you thought was a kind compliment to a woman jogging. I was by myself and I am always on guard when in that situation. I live in a world where I have to be wary of men that compliment me or strike up a conversation because some of them think they are entitled to take whatever they want from women. I have faith that you are not such a man. I live in a world where so many women live in fear of men. I live in a world where I hold my keys between my fingers when walking in a dark parking lot, just in case. I live in a world where I often feel unsafe. Your comment was kind, but other men do not always have the same kindness behind their words and it is nearly impossible for women to know what your intent is. Please think about what I said to you. I pray that it will help you see women as what we are, human being, just like you. I truly do hope that the rest of your day is pleasant and that your life is too. 

Sincerely,

The feminist jogger who confronted you today

Some Thoughts on Grief

There has been a lot of unexpected and devastating loss around me these last few weeks. Each time, I ponder on this quote from Dieter F. Uchtdorf,

"In light of what we know about our eternal destiny, is it any wonder that whenever we face the bitter endings of life, they seem unacceptable to us? There seems to be something inside of us that resists endings.

Why is this? Because we are made of the stuff of eternity. We are eternal beings, children of the Almighty God, whose name is Endless and who promises eternal blessings without number. Endings are not our destiny."

Sometimes we grieve the loss of a loved one. Other times it the loss of what might have been. When it happens we want the world to stop for just a little while and acknowledge our grief. We want to be able to have time to mourn the loss without having to go about our day to day responsibilities. Even the Savior of the world wanted time to grieve for his cousin John. But the world is busy and doesn't stop for us. People around us move on while we wonder how we can ever pick up all the pieces. People say "I'm so sorry, how can I help," but sometimes can't stay for very long.

Grief is such a strange thing. It causes some to be angry, depressed, or even manic. Some show their grief by crying, others do not. It leaves a hole that can heal, but will never truly be the same as it was before. It hurts. It hurts immensely. It hurts to watch others face it. When I see others grieving, I just want to help. I want to take that hurt away. I want to wrap my arms around them and somehow take the pain so they can have peace, even just for a little while. My heart aches for them because I know that there is so little I can truly do. 

I wish I had the words to better express what I am trying to say. I am grateful for an eternal perspective. I am grateful for the power of prayers and the comfort that they bring. I am grateful that endings are not really endings.