Gravity

There was a dance performed on So You Think You Can Dance that describes how I feel about my anxiety.

I live with something that is always there. Sometimes I think I have shaken it, but then it reminds me of its presence. Sometimes is does control me. Sometimes I just want to curl up in a ball and cry, because I can't conquer this thing. 

Then I realize that it may always be there and I may very well have to deal with it until the day I die, but I am still blessed beyond measure.

I have a wonderful husband who doesn't really understand how I feel, but he listens and lets me cry when I need to.  

I have a sweet little boy who may not always want to give me hugs, but he does when I really need them.

I have an amazing family that loves me no matter what.

And most importantly, I have a Father in Heaven that is there to listen to me when I feel alone and beat down. The wonderful thing about Him is that I never have to worry whether He has time to listen to my pleas. I know He loves me and that I will be blessed for striving to live through this trial as best I can. And when I remember that, life doesn't seem quite so hard.

11 Days

I'm just feeling beat down by the world. 

I'm just glad I get to go to the temple in 11 days and let the world disappear for a few hours... 2 months is a long time between visits.

On Gun Control

I'm just going to put it out there...

I don't like guns.

I don't want one, I don't want my husband to have one, and I certainly don't want my son to have one.

I am not against other people having guns. I have several friends that are gun enthusiasts. I support their right to own certain types of guns (handguns, rifles, shotguns), but not assault rifles, machine guns, or any other gun that is specifically designed to kill large groups of anything. Assault weapons have no place in homes, places of business, or schools. I feel that the only people who should have access and be trained to use them should be law enforcement, such as police, swat teams, etc, and the military and even then, only in combat zones and extreme situations.

As far as hunting type guns (shotguns, rifles, etc), I think that you should be required to show not only your id, but also a valid hunting licence to purchase them or their ammo. If it were up to me, hunting licences would be a greater expense to encourage people to actually hunt with the purpose of feeding their family, not just killing animals to show off.

There have been lots of possible solutions to the idea of school shootings lately and I have been one to indulge in a little problem solving of my own. I do not want guns in classrooms, but I would like a, well trained, armed resource officer in schools. I know this wouldn't solve every problem, but it might help save some lives. I also think that teaching children gun safety is important. I'm not sure at what age or in what setting this would be best, but at home would be my first choice. I want to teach my children that there is never a time when killing a person who is not threatening to kill you or your family is ok. I fully support incapacitating a person who is threatening anyone, but taking a life will always cause pain and suffering, even when justified. Maybe not to the person who took the life, but there will be someone left behind, or on the other side, that feels that hurt.

I support the 2nd amendment, but I also believe that there are people who should not have access to guns. In a perfect world, everyone would use firearms responsibly and with care, but we don't live in a perfect world. We live in a world of criminals and people who want to cause pain. I look forward to a time when everyone will be able to look past petty things and see each other how God sees us, but today is not that day and I know that it will be a long while before it is.

I know full well that my thoughts and solutions would not fix the broken world in which we live. I know that this blog post will not change any minds in Washington or even around me, but I just felt the need to write down how I feel about the subject.

And to anyone who wants to argue about this, I say:

This New Year

Christmas at my parent's was wonderful. I could write all about it, but I have pictures up elsewhere.

On to the year 2013!

Our goals this year are simple and the list is small.

Me:

• Do more creative things and spend less time on the computer
• Actually fast every first Sunday of the month (I always have an excuse and it is time to stop making excuses)

Casey:

• Lose 50 lbs
• Get into grad school or find a job to get us out of here

Bean:

• Be cute
• Be awesome

That is it for us. We are not putting down outrageous goals that are unreasonable to achieve. Just a couple things for each of us. The Bean has already accomplished his and will continue to accomplish them all year. Happy (slightly late) New Year!